So I felt i was being redundant with my first few posts and was going to put this whole shebang on hold until now...I am 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant with you. YOU are a girl and a very kicky jumpy one at that. Things were going swimmingly until i hit 20 weeks and 6 days and at our follow up anatomy scan we found that once again my cervix is half of what it should be. Measured 2 cm. a week later it measured between 1.9 cm and 1.2 cm. Your foot was in the middle of it.
I am not a candidate for a cerclage and this makes me very angry. I wanted a preventative one at 14 weeks and was refused based on the fact that i made it to 39 weeks with your big sister and with my condition it was deemed unnecessary surgery and a greater risk than benefit.. So here I am on my back ...again. I'm scared. Your big sister is so incredibly excited about you and doing things with you and the thought that that may not happen breaks me. Yesterday I had a FFN test to determine my chances of going into pre-term labor in the next 2 weeks. It was negative. That bought me a day of not being balled up in the fetal position wondering why I ever let my psych and OB convince me to wean off the Celexa.
So now what? Now...we pray. We pray with all of our might that you stay put for as long as possible. That you continue to grow. That you too get to experience one of your big sister's all face consuming smiles. That you get to experience bed camping, spring time, party dresses and accessories. That you are healthy and full term.
One of my OBs told me yesterday that right now I need to take care of myself from the neck up and he promised me they would do everything to keep things going from the neck down. I will lay here, flat on my back as long as I need to if it means that you will be ok.
I love you.
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