The post about praying

In the past 3 weeks, I have prayed a lot. I pray to God for strength to face what ever I need to, I pray to St. Gerard to protect me and you. I pray to the Virgin Mary for her compassion as a mother.And more often than not i just lay there begging to make it full term and that you are healthy. Am I a reliigious person? Not really. But I do believe in prayer. I have to .....And sometimes I question if I'm heard or worthy of a response. How fair is it for a maybe 2 x a month church goer to ask for such HUGE things? Tom pointed out a line he had heard in a show/movie that God hears all prayers and sometimes the answer if just no.

2 days ago I came to Sinai hospital for my weekly ultrasound. My cervix measured .2 cm (2 mm) with U-shaped funneling and both your feet were inside my cervix. I lay there crying. In a whirlwind i was in a room with a bed tilted all the way back. My cervix was not remaining stable anymore. It was no longer following the path it had with your sister. I was 23 wk 4 days pregnant. Within moments I was having an amniocentesis to rule out amniotic infection and had a plan to have the rescue cerclage placed. Tom and I sat there listening to the what ifs... the stats on survival if you were to born and the plan if my water broke which was the most apparent risk, seeing as though the amniotic sack was at the base of my cervix. I prayed. Then I got mad at myself for getting distracted while praying by nurses and phones and fears and tears. Mostly I was just in shock.

By midnight I was in recovery. My water had not broken. They placed 2 stitches and your heartbeat was still gloriously beating . While laying there shivering I thought of all the praying I had done.This was not the stability  and normalcy I had been begging for. However, I look at how 2 weeks earlier I went into L&D with worrisome contractions that apparently had not changed anything and how they moved my u/s appoitnments up a day to Thursdays because of that appointment.And then I remember how Dr. Araball said, we are lucky to be able to still do this. One day later and you would be past the cut off for the surgery. And I thank God for answering my prayers. Sometimes it's not crystal clear, sometimes we have to search for where, when and why they are being answered how they are. But I do believe I am heard. I have to....