Setting the mood

It's amazing how an appointment can set the mood for the week. I haven't had a lot of luck in that department. I'm sorry. Last week I remained stable at 1.9 cm, but the amniotic sac was funneling into the top of the cervix and you were kicking with all your might, right there. Dr. Arrabal spoke of hospital bedrest if it got worse this week. I hate when he calls us into his office post ultrasound. It's like being called into the principal's office. I am completely indebted to him for all he has done, but sometimes I wish he would just say..."you know it could all be ok". So i spent 3 days crying. Dr. Faber assured me she expected no less from our situation and it was still better than where we had been.

. Which brings me to today...measurements between 2.6 and 2.9 and NO funneling. You daddy and I laughed at Dr. Arrabal who said it was great, but then had to add...still short. Such an optimist. So here I am, almost 27 weeks pregnant and feeling you kick me in my ribs. I have no doubt we can make it 5 more weeks at least.

I love you my sweet daughter.

Still horizontal...

I am a week into this pregnancy with the cerclage. Everyone says I should relax now, but it's so hard. The truth is everything is still so up in the air. Dr. Araball has said that we are still not out of the woods and that of course is the only thing that resonates with me. Our ultrasound showed that the stitches were holding well, even though measurement is down to 1.9 again. There is no funneling which is the most important part. I just really wish you would stay head down. It hurts when you kick in the breech position. Last night you were head down and your daddy felt you kick for the first time from the outside. You kicked him about 5 times and then stopped. He was so thrilled to feel you. Of course, Ella wants to know when you will kick her.  We are at 25 weeks and I just desperately want at least 5 more weeks for you...7 would be better. Dr. Contag said at 32 weeks if all has remained stable I may be able to get off of bedrest. I would love that. It would be just in time for my birthday. Each day I get is a miracle. I just wish I could exhale. Soon enough. It just seems weird that I've only been on bedrest for a month. It seems so much longer. I have gotten little accomplished. I haven't finished a book, a knitting project or a puzzle. I haven't started your sisters birthday video and I haven't written the great american novel. My mind just cannot concentrate long enough. It's frustrating. What I WANT to do is shop for you. I am just still so scared to. I truly believe this is going to happen, I do! I just don't want to tempt the fates yet. I'm so mentally tired my sweet baby girl. I just keep picturing the summer. You are safely here, all round and perfect. Your sister has her summer tan and is splashing around the pool. I can't wait to enjoy the warm sun with you and your daddy and sister. There have never been two little girls in the world who were more wanted than the both of you. You are kicking me right now. I hope it's because you know how loved you are.